But fuck that! The real fun is the destination: Some Are Camp!

Me, my favorite ex, Seanie, his fab gal pal Arielle, and my two jealous, tragically flawed, but super fun buddies John and Joe arrived on Friday night, set up camp in the ugliest motel room I’ve ever seen, gussied up, went to Safeway, then hit up the RRR in Guerneville for some boozing, cruising and Karaoke. Oh, and because of our belated arrival and dilly dallying, we missed the Maricon-ita drag show by about 20 minutes. Thanks to Kiddie for heading this up. I heard it was amazing!

John, Arielle, Seanie and Joe take in the flavor of the motel room.

Mr. David croons us during karaoke.

The next day we got up, drank a bloody mary breakfast and never looked back. The whole day was filled with sun, fun, boys, girls, mudslides, trannies and of course drag.

Arielle and Seanie drink the breakfast of champions!

Arielle promised to only wear heels all weekend, even in the pool. Hooker realness!

Mutha Chucka's got Rahni in stitches.

Oxana Olsen gives good face!

Vivvy's done with these effen heels.

Vajonna D'Entata is feeling Farrah Fawcetty

Stephen and Terry make nice.

Hoku Mama Swamp and Ambrosia who is apparently in black face. Lay off the bronzer girl!

DJ Dirty Knees had us rockin!

Nikola, Seanie and Arielle

These lovely ladies

We love wet guys: Jonathan and David

Nikola and David get interrupted by Ambrosia.

Honey Mahogany and David Aguilar

Poolside drag anyone? Downey, Hoku, Mutha Chucka, Dam Dyke and Dean Disaster put on a hilarious and inspired poolside drag show. Downey and Hoku’s duet to “Almost Paradise” was a hit, featuring Hoku as one die, and Downey as a domino. Close enough! It’s a touching number where they fall in love and teach each other about life’s pleasures, eating Sun Chips and ribbon dancing.

Hoku and Downey make an entrance.

Twirl bitches, twirl!

Almost Pair of Dice.

Sun Chip Lessons from Downey

Ribbon Dancing Lessons from Hoku

Tender and sweet finish

Dam Dyke makes friends with the ladies!

Dean Disaster trucks it around the pool. She even stopped for a smoke break!

Dean and Dam

Dean eats it.

Chucka rips us a new one!

Then takes a tiny sip.

Then hits the deck.

Saturday night found us entertained by a crazy drag show hosted by Glamamore, titled “Glamamore’s Meager Things and Stuff” which was a sensation! Lady Bunny flew all the way from New York just to entertain us with her bawdy songs filled with poo and dick jokes.

Vivvy giving some Lucille Ball

Chastiti Bell

Honey and Chucka

Glamamore!

Grace looking wicked!

Hoku

Me and Lady Bunny

During the show I was busy taking pics of David Aguilar and his gorgeous boa constrictors. Folks got to pose with them, having first to sign a waiver in case the snake did something unexpected. No one was hurt, but I heard a rumor that I started where a certain someone had to be escorted away from David and the snakes cuz she was a tranny train wreck drunky pants and could potentially startle the snakes. Action packed!

David Aguilar and his beasts!

After the drag show all the boys and girls got saddled up into their beast outfits, donning masks, hooves, snouts, fur, feathers and antlers, parading through the streets of Guerneville after midnight, crashing all the parties in all the bars in town one after the other. This was the moment, the sheer pandemonium that we created, brining a sleepy resort town onto its dancing feet. Not everyone was pleased. A local stopped to ask Vivvy Anne Forevermore “What are you twelve?” And she responded, “No, I’m 29 and I’m dressed like a deer.” We moved on, dancing and laughing in our beastly guises. We tore up the bars, the streets, and if I had made it any further (I got distracted by a new special friend), then I would have seen us tear up the local Safeway at almost 2am as well. Rumor has it that tupperware was stolen in a drunken stupor. Genius!

Horsin'

The Beast Generation

Joe had the grossest beast! Amazing!

King Kong Clintzilla!

Seanie and Viv

John is a freak.

Adorable little animals.

Rrarr!

Jason and Evan

Oh Dear!

The next day after the dizziness and blur of Saturday faded, I found myself not in my ugly motel room, but with a complete stranger in a very nice private cabin. What a relief! Once I got my bearings I walk-of-shamed back to my buddies at our room to find that they had already checked out. I was abandoned! But not for long. I headed over to the poolside at the RRR and laid out, waiting for my buddies and sussing out breakfast plans with my fellow food seekers.

Mama wants some breakfast now!

Sunday was a blast, laid back, tipsy, fun.  Vivvy treated us to a poolside version of “Part of Your World” from the Little Mermaid. The splashing was relentless, fulfilling. My new special friend and I ran up to the local store to get floaty toys for the pool. While I was there I fell in love with a little charmer who I named Drowney Sensation (see pic below). She was such hit, stealing all of my attention! I’m hoping that she can make it next year.

Matt loves unicorns, too!

Drowney Sensation makes a splash!

Mikey about to be pushed into the pool.

Viv's poolside Little Mermaid.

Hot pink!

Tan line contestant (and winner in my opinion) Todd from NYC!

Andrew and Jason

Valentine gets some shade

The ride home was good, a bit sleepy with a stop off to get some In and Out Burger. There my buddy Joe entertained the locals with some of his beast trickery. Work those panty hose beastie!

Work!

Bye bye Drowney and Friends!

What an amazing weekend. If you didn’t go this summer, you MUST go next year! It has to be experienced  to be believed. Some people said it was the best weekend of their lives. I thought it was outstanding! I made new “friends,” lost count on mudslides, performed (on and off stage), took sexy pix of everyone, met a drag legend, dressed up like something from “Where the Wild Things Are,” and drown my newly adopted baby. It was exhausting fun! I dare you to do next year!

xo

Faux King Awesome!

Leaving the gravitational pull of the city, passing through the windmills near Livermore, your mind tends to drift.  Overwhelmed with a sense of adventure, you really appreciate yourself and your fellow travelers… or was it because some tranny train-wreck spilled poppers in the back of the van?

Marcy Playground finds county ordinances hilarious.

We came upon a rest stop in the middle of Nowhere, CA.  Startling other motorists and truckers which allowed us to have the run of the place.  Although our rest was brief we managed to get some laughs, pics and a tranny march around the toilets to mark our territory (tranny-tory).

With sunglasses on, Vajonna D'Entata enjoys a cool beverage in the heat of a Los Baños Denny's.

After traveling for another hour the stench of poppers and nail polish dissipated (this made driving very difficult) so we decided to stop and eat.  Passing Los Baños, an oasis consisting of a Wal-Mart, car dealerships, dead strip malls, Denny’s and string of fast food joints, we pulled into a sprawling parking lot, unloaded and brought drag realness to the locals.  They reacted as if they saw this shit everyday. So we acted accordingly. Nothing makes a Grand Slam with your choice of meat or Moons Over My Hammy go down quite so well as a fruit fizzy and klonopin. Delish.

Arriving at The Den in Fresno was amazing.  Belmont Avenue is strewn with hookers, tranny hookers, pimps, johns, speed addicts, winos, hoochie mamas and homophobic cops.  I felt like I was back in Detroit on McNichols and Woodward. Good times. Realness!

They run a tight ship at The Den

Cisco, Ferosha and Terry

Cisco and Terry, our gracious and generous hosts, made sure that everything went smooth, from club to afterhours to brunch the next morning. And what a booze/tranny chaser selection at the afterhours! Thank you guys!

Juanita Fajita serves up tasty tacos from her taco truck stand.

How sausage is made. Fajita's secret to fresh meat and cheese. Motel room cookin!

Charlie Horse would not be complete without Juanita Fajita’s taco truck.  Bringing fresh meats and cheeses from San Francisco, Fajita starts crockpotting early in the evening to kill any potential swine flu that may have tainted the food.  This is the way they prepare tacos in her native land of Guadalajara, Oregon.  It’s a shame most of the nacho cheese ended up on the floor of the van, then subsequently on the blacktop of the Best Western parking lot.

Van floor nacho cheese scrapings make lovely parking lot art.

Splat!

The evening at The Den continued…

Miss Nix, Anna Conda and Opalteen caught in a completely candid, unposed photo.

A local queen struts her stuff, announcing her candidacy for Fresno Empress.

The performances were stellar.  The whole gang of misfits brought it, showing Fresno and ourselves just how special and fucked up we really are…

Anna Conda eats dog biscuits. Classy.

Cupcake Cunt takes a moment to wet her whistle on stage.

Dam Dyke busts out the band faggotry.

Downey takes a sip of soda, Pop Rocks follow.

Juanita Fajita jerks off on stage. Again, classy.

Lucy Borden gives two times for Beyonce.

Marcy Playground brings it during her minute.

Miss Nix shakes her tamborine.

We cleaned up, packed up and got kicked out of The Den at closing time.  But I was able to get a quick shot of some local gay culture…

This bar art baffled even the most experienced of San Franciscan tastes.

After the show we all piled into our vehicles and caravaned to Cisco and Terry’s place for a wonderful afterparty filled with liquor and tranny chasers…

Frieda Laye wows a young Fresno chaser.

It's 5am and Brett's wearing a little red hat. It must be time to leave.

The trip was amazing and eye-opening.  We saw tranny chaser realness, and found fans in the valley.  We found ourselves to be fonts of inspiration for those of the ‘No.  Looking forward to coming back in October, don’t forget to bring poppers.