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So Joshua Grannell (aka Peaches Christ) made this movie called All About Evil, and the night before the world premier at the Castro Theater she teamed up with my drag sister Vivvy Anne Forevermore and my drag granny, Glamamore to help celebrate this instant cult classic horror film with a wonderful drag show at SOME THING at the Stud. The film is fucking great. I may be biased (I’m an extra seated next to Heklina during the grande finale), but I’m also a very skeptical and cruelly judgmental movie-goer, and I have to tell you that being on the set, getting to know everyone involved from actors to extras from crew to producers, I could, with confidence, say that this movie was going to be gaymazing! And it is.

I got a first look at it when Joshua screened a cast and crew show late last year at the Victoria Theater. It was great to see all the folks from the set back in the theater where we filmed. And All About Evil was awesome! Experiencing the movie again this month at The Castro with so many fresh eyes watching it for the first time was a raging hoot! We all laughed so hard, people heckled, I even discovered new things to laugh at this time around. That is a great sign. Any good cult movie gets funnier the more times you see it because you recognize more things and find different levels of humor in some things than you did before. Plus the shared experience cannot be beat. You have to experience this at the cinema.  And Peaches Christ is taking this movie on tour all over the US complete with a pre-show dragstravaganza that is sure to give you more bang for your movie buck. Check out this link to see if it’s going to come to your hometown. Not coming to a theater near you? Then I would suggest starting a Facebook page to demand it come. Many cities like my hometown of Detroit did just that. We gotta show booked within days!

The SOME THING EVIL show was a riot. Lots of fake blood, horror movie references, torture and laughs. Here’s some pics:

Unmotivated. Lazy. Grindr addiction. New BF. Busy with day job. Distracted by Facebook. I have a billion excuses as to why I haven’t posted in a while. At times I actually forgot that I have this great blog. So I’ll keep my yammering to a minimum and just give you the goods. Here are a shit load of pics from the last several months. Word up!

The first time I ever took the stage as Faux King Awesome was a little more than a year ago on the Charlie Horse stage. I have always enjoyed performing since I was a little kid, writing, directing, performing and charging family members to see my silly shows in my grandma’s basement. Later, in college I became obsessed with sensational multimedia performance art, throwing absurdly huge parties with midnight performances at my house in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood just outside of Detroit. I would inevitably answer the door wearing a suit and tie with no pants to the startled amusement of local police, asking me to get the drunks inside and turn the music down. Neighbors would awake to plastic pigs and flamingos on my roof and front lawn, gobs of food everywhere, other party remnants laying about. But the party was always a success. My goal was to entertain folks. I never wanted them to forget what they saw; I wanted them to remember these parties forever. Showmanship. Realness. Fun.

Charlie Horse embodied the same vigor, imagination and rebellion that my parties did; so it’s no small wonder that after discovering my alter ego I approached Anna Conda to see if she’d let me perform. I said, “I have this idea, I don’t know if it’ll work, but I wanted to know if you’ll let me do it.” Through a cocktail or two Anna told me, “I don’t care if it doesn’t work.”

Low expections? Try NO EXPECTATIONS! That works for me! Not that I wasn’t nervous my first time, but at least it didn’t matter if I failed. I had my foot in the drag door, I did what I loved and people actually thought it was cute. I’ll take cute. Then I continued on, conjuring up all kinds of ideas that I was allowed to realize on that two-pool-tables-together stage. In less than a year Anna gave me my own pre-show, every last Friday. Reverend Awesome’s Tent Revival Show. Wow! I was shocked. I never expected this opportunity, way outta left field you know?

I liked Charlie Horse. I loved it. I “got” it. It’s irreverent, retarded, fierce, insane, just plain awful charm/performances. And I feel beyond lucky to have shared that stage with such amazing performers: those homegrown like myself, and also drag legends, folks from the famed Trannyshack stage, Aunt Charlie’s Lounge, etc. I learned a lot from these folks and I am grateful. They’re all very funny and I have several fond memories hanging out back stage, helping each other get ready, fastening buttons, spraying wigs, touching up makeup, dodging sewage dripping from the ceiling, pissing in the basement, jumping into the cooler after burning it up on stage. I spent some nights pacing in the basement, waiting to go on, others staking out my position at the foot of the stage to engage the performers with my camera. And I always had fun regardless of the performance caliber (some nights were admittedly just bad) and this is what made it great. Realness, a truth in the air, the ability to laugh at yourself.

Post-Trannyshack, Charlie Horse was the last of the old school alternative drag parties that kind of held vast drag factions together. I’m not saying (and I don’t think) that different groups are adversarial, but in the year and I half that I spent clicking picks and roaming about The Cinch I saw just about everyone there, whether they performed or not. This collective memory is important as it will shape the future of what we ALL do going forward. There are civic powers that want to control what we do and where we do it. The developers and corporations have plans for the city, big plans, and the better educated you are about what they are proposing the better. Make sure you do your homework before you vote next time, especially if you voted for Newsom last time. READ THE GUARDIAN EVERY WEEK!!! It’s the best local news. Ask me questions! I love it!

In the end we ALL have to work together to keep what is important to us. I suggest taking more drag to the streets. Hoku Mama and my Tiara Sensation drag family led a hilarious and inspired group of performers through the city last month. And although we were met with threats from authorities at every turn, we still created a visibility that can’t be denied, and laughter and joy that will be the highlight of many vacations of tourists who clicked our pictures and applauded our delightful antics. Why not just have a weekly performance in front of city hall? All you need is a sound system and a dream. Do it guerilla style.

I would like to thank Anna Conda for slinging drag every week for over five years in a dirty Polk Street saloon, and for her courage and tenacity when it comes to voicing herself politically, motivating others to take action as well. Thank you!

Adieu Charlie Horse, Adieu!

Faux King Awesome

I love looking forward to something that I know is going to be amazing, like a weekend get-away or PB and Bacon sandwich. The few days before your get-away drag on and on until the last minute, but then the moment comes when you’re about to embark on your trip, you have all the time in the world ahead of you. I always savor those moments, the ride up, the journey.

But fuck that! The real fun is the destination: Some Are Camp!

Me, my favorite ex, Seanie, his fab gal pal Arielle, and my two jealous, tragically flawed, but super fun buddies John and Joe arrived on Friday night, set up camp in the ugliest motel room I’ve ever seen, gussied up, went to Safeway, then hit up the RRR in Guerneville for some boozing, cruising and Karaoke. Oh, and because of our belated arrival and dilly dallying, we missed the Maricon-ita drag show by about 20 minutes. Thanks to Kiddie for heading this up. I heard it was amazing!

The next day we got up, drank a bloody mary breakfast and never looked back. The whole day was filled with sun, fun, boys, girls, mudslides, trannies and of course drag.

Poolside drag anyone? Downey, Hoku, Mutha Chucka, Dam Dyke and Dean Disaster put on a hilarious and inspired poolside drag show. Downey and Hoku’s duet to “Almost Paradise” was a hit, featuring Hoku as one die, and Downey as a domino. Close enough! It’s a touching number where they fall in love and teach each other about life’s pleasures, eating Sun Chips and ribbon dancing.

Saturday night found us entertained by a crazy drag show hosted by Glamamore, titled “Glamamore’s Meager Things and Stuff” which was a sensation! Lady Bunny flew all the way from New York just to entertain us with her bawdy songs filled with poo and dick jokes.

During the show I was busy taking pics of David Aguilar and his gorgeous boa constrictors. Folks got to pose with them, having first to sign a waiver in case the snake did something unexpected. No one was hurt, but I heard a rumor that I started where a certain someone had to be escorted away from David and the snakes cuz she was a tranny train wreck drunky pants and could potentially startle the snakes. Action packed!

After the drag show all the boys and girls got saddled up into their beast outfits, donning masks, hooves, snouts, fur, feathers and antlers, parading through the streets of Guerneville after midnight, crashing all the parties in all the bars in town one after the other. This was the moment, the sheer pandemonium that we created, brining a sleepy resort town onto its dancing feet. Not everyone was pleased. A local stopped to ask Vivvy Anne Forevermore “What are you twelve?” And she responded, “No, I’m 29 and I’m dressed like a deer.” We moved on, dancing and laughing in our beastly guises. We tore up the bars, the streets, and if I had made it any further (I got distracted by a new special friend), then I would have seen us tear up the local Safeway at almost 2am as well. Rumor has it that tupperware was stolen in a drunken stupor. Genius!

The next day after the dizziness and blur of Saturday faded, I found myself not in my ugly motel room, but with a complete stranger in a very nice private cabin. What a relief! Once I got my bearings I walk-of-shamed back to my buddies at our room to find that they had already checked out. I was abandoned! But not for long. I headed over to the poolside at the RRR and laid out, waiting for my buddies and sussing out breakfast plans with my fellow food seekers.

Sunday was a blast, laid back, tipsy, fun.  Vivvy treated us to a poolside version of “Part of Your World” from the Little Mermaid. The splashing was relentless, fulfilling. My new special friend and I ran up to the local store to get floaty toys for the pool. While I was there I fell in love with a little charmer who I named Drowney Sensation (see pic below). She was such hit, stealing all of my attention! I’m hoping that she can make it next year.

The ride home was good, a bit sleepy with a stop off to get some In and Out Burger. There my buddy Joe entertained the locals with some of his beast trickery. Work those panty hose beastie!

What an amazing weekend. If you didn’t go this summer, you MUST go next year! It has to be experienced  to be believed. Some people said it was the best weekend of their lives. I thought it was outstanding! I made new “friends,” lost count on mudslides, performed (on and off stage), took sexy pix of everyone, met a drag legend, dressed up like something from “Where the Wild Things Are,” and drown my newly adopted baby. It was exhausting fun! I dare you to do next year!

xo

Faux King Awesome!

“That’s not drag!” shouts the obnoxious know-it-all trannysseur wannabe. “That’s not drag! You can’t just go up there on stage dressed like a clown and pull ribbons out of your ass! I’m sorry, but that’s not drag!”

Well then what is it? What is it when you’re not sure what it is? Is it art? What is art?

Does it matter? Does questioning it matter? Who cares?

Personally I don’t effen care how people get their rocks off on stage as long as it’s funny, scary or sad. I don’t really care if anyone lives or dies on that stage as long as I feel something. Isn’t that what it really is? It’s really about you as a voyeur, an audience member, being pleased, satiated. I go to shows to be challenged, to be moved, to laugh till my head hurts, to heckle, to be inspired. But I go to Tiara Sensation on Monday nights at the Stud to celebrate the retarded things that make life so amazing! Clearly Tiara Sensation has become the most retarded drag night in the city. The infamous Project Runtover, the once a month dragstravaganza that pits multiple teams of models/designers against each other to win the most infantile fashion (drag) show you’ve ever seen. The Bathhouse Betty nights with themed drag show and “special maze” for clothing optional encounters. The once in a while game shows hosted by Hot Gloobanks, most recently Family Screwed! Oh, and let’s not forget that this dance floor comes with a craft table for creating your own tiaras. There was a weenie roast last week and S’mores this past week. Is this really drag? It has to be experienced to believed. Trust.

The creators of Project Runtover Vivvy Anne Forevermore, DJ Down-E, Glamamore and Hot Gloo have brainstormed a night that dares you not to do drag. When I first heard they were doing this I thought it was brilliant, but did not think anyone would show up to do anything. They had over a dozen performers. It was a hit! Everything from spoken word, dancing, drama, smoking, vogueing, screeching cats, and live singing. The show went on forever and was hysterical, crescendoing into a drag number that took everyone outside into the parking lot next door.

Vivvy Anne Forevermore and Elijah Minelli opened the show with a 10 minute dual lip synch to Elizabeth Taylor’s Martha in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  Applying makeup, tossing back a slew of shots, grimacing, glaring, fist-clenching, screaming, working the room, using the whole place as their stage, in our faces, in unison with each other. In the end the two Martha’s held hands. It was funny, mesmerizing, and beautiful, but mostly retarded.

The rest of the night ceased to amaze, a cavalcade of drag/not drag performances that dazzled the imagination, but mostly were really retarded. Such varied performances ranged from spoken word to spoken lip synch, from interpretive dance to interpretive modeling.

The true highlight of the night came from Beth Amphetamine’s outdoor parking lot performance atop a moving vehicle.  Lip synching “Hold On” by Wilson Philips, Beth worked the trashy crack whore drag, climbed onto her own car and held on tight as it moved around in circles. Flava Flav helped out with art direction and general dope-cred factor. “Dontcha know things will change, things will go your way…” Work!!!

So this is drag. It’s been re-defined as not-not drag. Irony upon irony until it just doesn’t matter anymore. I wanna give a 5-star shout out to the folks over at Tiara for making this such a fun and unexpectedly great night of the most random performances. Tiara really puts the art in retarded.

The morning of 9/11 was my day off. I was sleeping in late after a night up late. My phone kept ringing all morning, so naturally I ignored it.  Finally when I couldn’t sleep any longer I got up and checked my voicemail.  ”Turn on CNN! They’re flying planes into the World Trade Center!” Great.

They closed all the malls in the Detroit Metro Area; flights were grounded, everything was canceled. At the time I was working for Pacific Sunwear and my two managers came over to my house because of the mall shutdown. We watched the world fall apart all afternoon. Later that night my boss and I went to a local gay dive bar called the Male Box. We drank a bit, bitched about how stupid Americans are, shot some pool, drank some more, and then I think I ended up sleeping with him. I quit shortly after. A few days later my best friend videotaped me ranting about American Imperialism in his living room. Some would have thought I was insensitive, unpatriotic at the time, but in the end I was right.

Flash forward eight years, living in SF where Michael Jackson jokes popped up like toast before the body was cold, I have found myself surrounded by kindred spirits. No less than two drag nights have not only celebrated the 9/11 attacks, but infused them with the innocence of the mentally challenged to soften the blow. Downey hosted a 9/12 drag night at Charlie Horse last year and this year Tiara Sensation hosted a 9/11 in July party.

Speaking of insensitivity, the Cinch, hosted by Lucy Borden, was alit with blood and gore on 7-Ten (just pretend it was 7-Eleven) celebrating the 2nd annual Bloodbath at the 7-Eleven drag show. Performers are encouraged to terrorize guests with sprays, explosions and gurgles of fake blood. These antics left the stage a frightful mess by the end of the night, only bolstered by Lucy’s amazing backdrop featuring the aftermath of a brutal and horrific shootout near the Slurpee machine.

All these bombing dates are a conspiracy theorist’s wet dream, but trannies and drag queens naturally seize it as an opportunity to make you uncomfortable yet happy.  And let’s not forget that the London Tube Bombings took place on 7-Seven. The Madrid bombings occurred on 3-Eleven. The theme nights are endless here folks. Again drag folks make lemonade outta lemons, albiet, to the dismay and horror of millions.

I remember when my brother and his best friend went to go see WrestleMania III at the Pontiac Silverdome in 1987.  At the time the WWF (now WWE) was at its peak.  Hulk Hogan, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Superfly Jimmy Snuka, Andre the Giant, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, these guys were amazing in the ring, and while I was like totally in love with Bret “The Hitman” Hart it was the ladies of the WWF that always got my attention. They made the whole thing seem legit. I’d get so excited when The Fabulous (and Trashy) Moolah, Wendi Richter and, of course, Cyndi Lauper would come stomping down the aisle, fists raised in the air, toward the ring… and I swear I saw Captain Lou Albano showing thousands how to give a self-breast exam at the dyke march last year, so I guess he’s a gorgeous lady of wresting, too.

G.L.O.P. – The Gorgeous Ladies of Polk was the brainchild of Anna Conda who, after being attacked on stage at Charlie Horse by an unruly person, did a video search of the taped attack on YouTube and found female wrestling listed as suggested viewing. Genius. The result was a sensational night of body slams, raging estrogen and spandex. All this lemonade from just one lemon.

The Marcy Playground Minute opened the show at 11pm. Marcy brought a dart-shooting gun on stage, taking dead-eye-in-a-drunken-haze aim at some innocent confetti-filled balloons. There was a moment when I thought I might lose an eye or get a dart in the neck, but I persevered at the foot of the stage.

 

 

Anna Conda started the Charlie Horse Show punching and mugging to a song about “female mud wrestling.”  She had the whole place singing along.  It was great!  And her titties looked great in that tiger print bathingsuit with fringed-trimmed elbow-length gloves and blond afro. Sick!

 

 

 

No wrestling night would be complete without the special (limited due to challenges) talents of Downey.  Downey busted up onto the stage with the coolest mask I’ve ever seen (is that a shopping bag?), plus a friend with which to wrestle to Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping (I Get Knocked Down).” Pretty much every time they sing “I get knocked down” either Downey, his pal or both would suddenly fall to the stage. A few times I heard Downey actually scream “Ahhhhhhhh!” before hitting the stage.

 

 

 

 

Pristine Condition followed next in a fringed teal dress with matching mask makeup. If any measure of the success of a wrestler is based on pure entertainment and showmanship, then Pristine could have a career in eating cum from old condoms. What follows is a photo essay as to what occurred. I’m nearly speechless…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anna Warhola entered the ring singing “Sweet Transvestite” from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was actually refreshing to hear this song done in this context. Anna sported her red devil’s tail, baseball bat and Indiana Jones whip, beating and cracking that shit all over the place. The audience even participated during the “SAY IT SAY IT!” anticipation line of the song. Amazing!

 

 

At this point in the show I was so overwhelmed from the courage and shear magic of the G.L.O.P. that was practically raining down upon us that I didn’t think it could get any gloppier.  But then Donna Personna took to the stage!  At first I thought The Fabulous Moolah had risen from the grave.  Donna came out all gangbusters and did not stop until the number was over.  High kicks, grunts, fist punches, mugging and dingleberry cherries, her performance rocked!  

 

 

 

 

 

This night was magical, absolutely one of my favorites.  The ladies lit up the stage like we haven’t seen in a while with action, body slams, jizz shots, etc. It was really something else!  Funny that all this mayhem would not have been possible if that chick hadn’t snatched Anna’s wig that fateful night.  Maybe it was the spirit of The Fabulous Moolah or just meant to be.

I first heard of Shirley Q Liquor back in 2000 while trolling the interweb for some excitement (read porn) and came across a couple of her recordings. From the recordings I was convinced that she was a black female comedienne, but I really had no idea how effed up her whole schtick was: drag blackface and realness.  Two years later I moved to San Francisco where I actually met people who know who she is. Fast forward to 2009, Shirley performs at the Russian River Resort in Guernville, CA.  

CLICK HERE TO SEE VIDEO OF SHIRLEY

 

What could be more offensive than having a retard open for someone in blackface?  Downey pulled out an amazing 10 minute plus Michael Jackson medley less than a week before his death, leading to charges of “Downey killed Michael Jackson” later in the week. I felt that his number was so shameful that it killed him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bebe Sweetbriar entertained the crowd with a live song before introducing Shirley.  Before she sang, Bebe warned us that she is not the funny type of queen, and that she would do what she does best to delight us.

 

 

Although she is very controversial, hated by many groups/individuals, banned from cities across the US, Shirley is also loved by many as well. There is a website dedicated to defaming Shirley Q Liquor that is featured on Shirely’s website as a way to “download or listen to hilarious ignunce and videos from Mrs. Liquor.” She directs people that visit her site to get their recordings there.

The one thing that I enjoyed most about Shirley’s performance was that I understood her sense of intelligence that comes through the material.  She’s sharp, funny and really loves herself and the audience.

 

 

 

 

 

I was able to get some video here and there from the show. I rudimentarily put together a short video of some really funny shit. Click here for the video : Shirley Q Liquor at the Russian River Resort

 

 

Beige. Zzzzzzzzzz… Oh, sorry, but come on, BEIGE?! What kind of theme is this?!?! And how the fuck is it supposed to work? Beige reminds me of the late 70′s, very early 80′s when I was wearing plaid bell bottoms and my folks were choosing horrid beige wallpaper for the bathroom and beige furniture for the living room. My dad even bought a champaign colored (beige) Chevy Cavalier to match his fabulous beige Members Only jacket. I grew up with beige and thought that I left it behind when I moved to San Francisco. But it found me.

Anna Conda served up a delicious slice of taupeness, hosting the show in a glamorously snoozy polyester pant suit that just screamed key party.

Her performance was a bit less subdued, featuring a tan trench over a beige body suit sporting a giant dirty blonde patch of crotch bush that could be seen from space. Hilare! And gross.

More queens turned out to perform on Beige Night than on Impostors Night the week before… almost twice as many! And with a theme like beige, you really have to bring it to make it interesting.

VivvyAnne Forevermore powdered her face red and blue, striking it with a magic marker, creating long bottom lashes. Hmmm… this seems familiar. Is that Hoku Mama Swamp?! Vivs was cleverly plugging Tiara Sensation’s Hoku’s Drag Race Night, encouraging people to VOTE HOKU! Well I say VOTE SWAMP!

Eli poses with Hoku before the show…

Viv’s marker got a lot of attention throughout the show…

The show continued with two fabulous ladies visiting us from Aunt Charlie’s in the Tenderloin. Bonnie Sawyer, missing teeth and all, snapped up dollar bills, singing a twangy country number. Donna Personna ripped up with stage to La Bouche’s “Be My Lover.” After the show I told her that that song took me back… to 1994! Good times. I think both of these queens misunderstood the assignment, neither dressing in a stitch of beige, but I guess that’s how they do things down in the TL. Work.

Lil Miss Hot Mess sang “Little Boxes,” painting brightly colored paper houses with beige paint. I thought the song choice was perfect for her. The number was cute, especially when she gave up painting and just started squirting paint all over the houses.

I can’t even remember what Dam Dyke did or sang cuz I was so intrigued by her beige outfit and cup of beige coffee. It struck me as funny that coffee is beige, too. Everything was the same shade of beige. You know beige beige. And I’m hella jel over those shimmery Hollywood Montrose shades!

Miss Nix, seeming to serenade DJ Dirty Knees throughout her performance, worked the golden beige.

Anna Warhola busted out the baseball bat and whip after Downey snatched her wig off her head. She cracked the whip a few times, freaking me out as usual. My brother whipped me in the face with a rubber snake when I was a kid; I have latent trauma. I love the outtie!

Liza with a P, who stole the show for Liz Taylor Night, dazzled audiences in a two-tone beige dress. Her dancing and mugging made for a great performance.

Glamamore brought the Morrissey (can you say ba-eige?), being boring throughout the entire song with boots up on VivvyAnne Forevermore’s hips. Their exchanges were hilarious. Hold my drink! Fierce.

Little Opalteen strutted her stuff next, giving great drag face. She dubbed in farts over the delightful soundtrack, hovering over a small fan each time which blew her skirt up. Classy.

Finally, Karen Kills blew the stage up with Coco Puffs and a half gallon of milk which she had dumped over her body. This to screams of “I’m lactose intolerant!” from an audience member. The best part was that Karen’s outfit absorbed a lot of the milk which occasionally dripped from her titty like a lactating breast. I was deeply amused.

And let’s not forget Marcy Playground’s “performance” at the foot of the stage. Beigelessness.

Beige, taupe, tan, khaki and camel. So many varieties of boring to exploit. Overall I think these folks did a great job handling the beige challenge. I’m curious as to what color Anna will choose next year. I’m a fan of chartreuse myself.