Hokumania Breaks Out at The Stud!

So there’s this over-the-top drag queen who got this reality TV show where she dresses the girls up, makes them sachet, work and fight to win America’s Next Top Model… oh, wait… that’s fucking RuPual under that weave! So I guess Rupaul has a reality TV show where a bunch of queens must “lip sync for their life,” I don’t really know cuz I never watched the first season; this is due to a conflict of interest: because there were no SF queens on the show my interest conflicted its way somewhere else, like to a bag of chips or hottie.  But this season there is a great chance of getting some representation: Hoku Mama Swamp!

Hoku is currently hovering somewhere between number 10 and 15 on rupaulcasting.com; she is also the top faux queen in the nation. This is quite an achievement and I wish her the best of luck; she’s hilarious, sexy, retarded and I would love to see her on TV. 

Tiara Sensation hosted Hoku’s Drag Race where each performer had to dress up in Hoku Mama face and lip sync for their lives. I was lucky enough to be one of the performers, although I only had one hour to find a song from DJ Down-E’s CDs, come up with a concept, and rehearse it.  I ended up doing Jimmy Buffet‘s “Why Don’t We Get Drunk (and Screw),” wearing a Hoku eye mask, chugging a beer, and acting retarded. I think I did Mama proud.

Other, more seasoned and professional performers such as Lady Bear, Alotta Boutte, Kegel Kater and Mutha Chucka did justice to the name Swamp. Hoku opened the show with “The Man is Mine” by Ike and Tina; this was the first drag number Hoku ever did back in 2003; she brought it back covered in red fringe. Hot!

Hoku Mama Swamp opens the show with a little Ike and Tina.

Mutha Chucka camped up the stage in swamp makeup that looked like a toddler did it.  Chucka admitted that she put a few too many lower lashes in.  I say more more more! The rouge is my favorite part! Go Chucka go!!

Mutha Chucka dons the luscious lower lashes in a turn as Hoku.

Kegel Kater busted out the cowboy hat a mic to parody a Paula Cole ditty.  Kegel’s version: “Where Have All the Hoku’s Gone?” had the crowd laughing.  I spoke with Kegel later and she said that she pretty much ad-libbed the verses. Total props!

Kegel Kater serenades Hoku with the live mic.

Lady Bear had the honor of doing two numbers that night; the first interrupted by Hoku because she thought Lady Bear could do better, the second a dancey house number that had everyone bopping and rolling.  It was a magic moment.

Lady Bear Swamp and Baby Bear Dazzle the Stud

Alotta Boutte did a sexy number where she transformed from a dapper gentleman to a sexy burlesque hot mama.  The swamp makeup fit the transition quite well.  Get it girl!

Alotta Boutte makes a handsome swamp gent.

And she makes one sexy mama swamp!

Hoku closed the show with Mariah Carey‘s “We Belong Together,” sitting in a fake bathtub, dousing herself in water.  This is one of my favorite numbers; it’s sexy, funny and wet.  Hoku jumps out of the tub at the end to mug for the camera. Sheer genius!

Rub a dub dub. Hoku busts it out clean.

I think Hoku likes you.

Sexy Mama Swamp Donkey

After the show all the girls got into the tub for a little photo session. For real!

Hoku Mamas

Swamp Donkeys